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Multiple-guess exams, and Multiple vision caused by deadly fumes


Fabrizio Ravanelli isn’t one of life’s decision-makers. When his school brought in those new-fangled multiple-guess exams, the freak-haired adolescent ticked every box on the paper. Even the ones in the margins for examiners’ use only. Those questionnaire ladies who stand outside Woolies wearing sashes and ingratiating smiles run for the hills when they see him coming. Ask the man if he wants a cuppa, and he’ll have to call in a consultant first. So this Derby-or-Lazio conundrum has been enough to turn his hair, erm, white.

In the last 24 hours, the man from Peruggia, he say yes. Then he say no. Then he say he don’t know. Rav took the silver feather out of Jim Smith’s cloth cap when he scuppered what seemed like a done deal earlier this week by saying: „I am not moving to Derby County – I am staying with Lazio.” But Lucky Jim has kept the faith and his fingers crossed, much as Rav’s agent Gianni Paldini did today when he said: „I can promise you that Fabrizio will be a Derby County player by the end of the week.”

So come on Rav, which is to be? „I will meet Authentic Prada Factory Outlet Online with [son of Lazio president] Massimo Cragnotti at lunchtime to discuss my problems with Lazio and my future career. Authentic Prada Handbags Outlet Uk Then I will make a decision,” he said this morning. Is Fab Rav a passionate Italian who cannot commit to a relationship? Or is he hen-pecked by an overbearing agent who seems desperate to smooth Jim Smith’s furrowed brow? No point asking Rav, he won’t know. He’s still at lunch with Cragnotti agonising over the starter menu.


„The whole deal has not sunk in yet. I will be working with Fabien Barthez and facing shots from David Beckham in training – it’s incredible!” – Roy Carroll, set to become Manchester United’s new number two/three keeper, is looking forward to Christmas already.


It looks like it’s all over for Silvinho at Arsenal. Arsene Wenger has given his number 16 shirt to Giovanni van Bronckhorst, virtually confirming the little left-back’s departure. Then he took the shirt back off van Bronckhorst, peeled the letters S, I, L, V, I, N, H and O off of it, handed the nameless shirt back to the confused Authentic Prada Americas Cup Sneakers Dutch international and ordered him to get down to World Of Arsenal to get his surname pressed on it, thus recouping, at 89p a letter, a canny Authentic Prada Shoes Sale £12.46 of the Dutch international’s £8.5m transfer fee.

Wenger then soaked the aforementioned letters in cheap derv before setting fire to them and dancing naked round a raging cotton-and-polyester-mix bonfire – behaviour which the Fiver knows from bitter experience always leads to the finishing touches being applied to an £8m deal with Deportivo La Coruna. „Silvinho is in the early stages of being transferred but we do not want to say anything more that might jeopardise it,” said Arsenal vice-chairman David Dein, over the loud cackling of his manager, who was busy smearing his bare torso in ashes.

OK, none of this happened as such. But we can explain: we’re high on the heady fumes of Arsenal shirts being burned all across London as they become rendered useless by Wenger’s summer clearout. Kanu is rumoured to be close to a move away from the environs of Finsbury Park, even though his agent has insisted he will Agatha Ruiz Dela Prada Official Website dig his heels in to stay. And midfielder Guy Demel (you know) and defender Guillaume Nolbert (yes, him, that’s right) are to join Borussia Dortmund and Lorient respectively. Hey, do you want to buy a used number 43 shirt before we torch it?


Celtic are getting ready to reunite Martin O’Neill with Matt Elliott. The highly-rated Scottish international would cost £3m.

Tottenham want Bradford’s £1.5m-rated Matt Clarke as Neil Sullivan’s stand-in.

Blackburn will not be following up their interest in Paris St Germain defender Sylvain Distin.


Frank Leboeuf’s often tempestuous career at Chelsea has ended after he completed a £1.2m move to Marseille today.

Everton remain hopeful of luring Paul Ince, the former Manchester United and Liverpool captain, Are Prada Nylon Bags Worth The Money back to Merseyside despite Middlesbrough’s apparent reluctance to allow the midfielder to leave.

Liverpool travel to the four-team Amsterdam Tournament without first-choice goalkeeper Sander Westerveld. He picked up a thigh injury in Thailand last week and will miss the tournament. Liverpool play Valencia tomorrow and host club Ajax on Saturday.

Former Hibernian striker Mixu Paatelainen has signed a one-year Agatha Ruiz Dela Prada Book Bags deal with Strasbourg following a week’s trial with the French side, who were relegated at the end of last season.

Angry supporters wearing red noses have staged a fierce protest outside the headquarters of the Brazilian Football Confederation, following their country’s humiliating 2-0 defeat against Honduras.


Sky Sports 2: Futbol Mundial (6pm) What The World Wide Internet Has To Say About Your Favourite Entertainers Of Yore #3: Cannon and Ball

Sky Sports 3: FA Cup Classics (11pm) „In the 1980s Tommy Cannon and Bobby Ball (surprisingly, not their real surnames) were very famous indeed. Sixties life in an Oldham factory had given way to a 70s merry-go-round of working men’s clubs, pantomimes, and summer seasons at the Blackpool Pavilion.”

Sky Sports Extra: Copa America Football (7pm) „It was in the 80s however, when Cannon And Ball were household names with their own top-rating ITV series, that the former welders found they could no longer hold it Authentic Prada Clutch all together.”

Live Copa America Football (1am) „At the height of their fame, when the on-stage banter was at Authentic Prada Purses Sale its warmest, Cannon and Ball didn’t speak to each other off stage – at all – for years. Meanwhile, Bobby’s vicious temper earned the pair the reputation of being the nastiest in the business, sinking so low he threatened to kill a pantomime dame for bad custard pie technique.”

Radio Five Live: Mark and Lard’s Top Teams (8pm) „Something had to change. Bobby Agatha Ruiz Dela Prada Book Bags Ball found God in the dressing room of Bradford’s Alhambra theatre. And Tommy Cannon also made his acquaintance, albeit some seven years later.”

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