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The Biggest Football Geek Of All

NERD-RACKING

Sociophobes will be dancing in the streets today. Actually no, they probably won’t. Still, today does mark a momentous occasion for scrawny loners everywhere – and David Moyes – as the release of the latest edition of Football Manager launches yet another cycle of them sitting wrapped in dirty bedsheets for months on end while guiding Grimsby Town to Big Cup glory buy canada goose jacket winnipeg thanks to the heroic performances of a 16-year-old Bangladeshi striker lovingly nurtured after being plucked from the reserves of FC Honka, the pride of Espoo.

The biggest football geek of all, however, is way ahead of the game and revealed today that his plot for domination is already well advanced. „I would say that seven or eight of the youngsters who played against Sheffield United in the League Cup on Wednesday will eventually can you wash a canada goose jacket in the washer play for Arsenal in the Premier League,” stammered a blushing Arsène Wenger in wavering tones. „If you look at the midfield that played in the League Cup final for us in 2007, it had [Cesc] Fábregas, [Abou] Diaby and Denilson, so that gives you a good idea of the potential development of the players,” continued Wenger, neatly not going through that final’s full line-up lest any of his young charges be persuaded to hang up their boots and retrain as fishermen rather than follow Jérémie Aliadière and Justin Hoyte to Middlesbrough.

Wenger, of course, is not the only person trying to ensure Arsenal’s success – this season a slew of underachieving clubs seem intent on guaranteeing the Gunners’ Big Cup spot. No sooner had tomorrow’s opponents, Aston Villa, staggered unwittingly into the top four than they obligingly collapsed to ridiculous defeats to Newcastle and Boro. The ineptitude of the weaklings chasing the big boys is summed up by the fact that though Villa are within as many buying a canada goose jacket online points of the bottom as they authentic canada goose outlet online are of the top (nine) they stand fifth in the table.

„It will take a lot of points for a team to stay up this season but it will take less [than usual] to finish in fifth position,” wibbled Villa boss Woody Allen, possibly while wondering whether, should John Carew fail a fitness test, a fictional computer character could do a better job up front than Marlon Harewood.

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QUOTE OF THE buy canada goose parka ottawa DAY

„It was a lonely day because I do like to talk, but it was worth it” – the Fiver is surprised to learn Anton Ferdinand only got £2,000 for keeping his jabbery mouth shut for a day for Children in Need.

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WIN, LOSE OR SCORE

Guardian Fantasy Football

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Guardian Pick the Score

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Guardian Soulmates

Go on, pull someone who isn’t in Second Life.

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THE RUMOUR MILL

Oh God, please not again. Liverpool are after Gaz Baz.

There’s nothing about Him going There, if that cheers you up.

Jermaine Pennant and his alarmingly sharp teeth are having a bite at a move to Bolton.

And Spurs want bench-junkie Steve Harper to replace up-and-coming comedian Heurelho Gomes.

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NEWS IN BRIEF

Didier Drogba’s reward for attempting to give money back to scandalously overcharged Burnley fans at Stamford Bridge is a violent conduct charge from the FA. „If Didier gets banned, are fans going to do this more to provoke people?” asked champion of the oppressed, Frank Lampard. „Who knows?” If he doesn’t get banned will more footballers be tempted to assault members of the public, Frank? Who knows?

If Maurice Malpas had left the County Ground by mutual consent last week instead of today, would Swindon still have ludicrously crashed out of the FA Cup to Histon? Who knows?

If Maradona had scored the Hand of God against the French, would English people still be waxing funky over the 1986 World Cup? Who knows? Anyway, he reckons he’s not quitting the Argentina manager’s job. „There’s never been a resignation, there’s never been anything,” Maradona said. „I’m with the authentic canada goose jacket sale Argentina team for the players and not for anything else.”

If a tree in a forest found out that Johan Neeskens and Dennis Bergkamp are the new managers of the Netherlands B team and it fell over in surprise but no one heard it, would it still make a sound? Who knows?

If you had a son would you call him Beau Henry? Not if you didn’t want him bullied at school, but that’s what Jamie Redknapp’s done. „We chose the name Henry as canada goose coat 1000 best place to buy a canada goose jacket in toronto bulbs garland a tribute to Jamie’s father,” said Louise out of Eternal.

Is this rhetorical amazon canada goose jacket question riff in any way funny? Who …

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STILL WANT MORE?

Be one of 6,378 people to tell Rob Smyth he’s neglected the genius of Tommy Youngs in this week’s Joy of Six on the great Championship/Football Manager players.

Ewan Murray explains why Scotland will welcome Diego Maradona with open arms. Not that it takes much explaining, mind.

Take a shot at winning a paid commission for theguardian.com in our Big Blogger competition.

Championship junkie John Ashdown gets his weekly fix by chatting with Roberto Martínez and discussing how he’s made Swansea a force to be reckoned with. Martínez, that is.

In tomorrow’s 320xold half-pence pieces Big Paper: Russell Brand on the week’s football; lots of warm fuzzy stuff in the Family section; and a great big interview with hip-hop star Ryan Babel.

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FIVER LETTERS

„May I be the first of 1,057 (or so) pedants to inform you that while numismatics (yesterday’s Fiver letters) is technically the study of all currency, it’s usually confined to coins” – Jerry Slaff (and no other pedants).

„If Greggs in Sheffield best mens canada goose jacket does receive a Scottish banknote with the monarch’s picture on it (Fiver letters passim), then it is definitely a forgery – notes issued by Scottish banks don’t have the monarch’s picture on them and never have done for as long as I can remember” – Stuart McLagan (and too many other pedants).

„Re: Amr Zaki being up for sale through a pyramid scheme (yesterday’s news in brief). Does he turn out for the Egyptian national squad? If not mycanadagoosejacket.org, would he be eligible to play for the Pharoah Isles?” – Mark Parrott.

„Whilst the Fiver is surprised Scarborough had an Opera House, I’m gobsmacked to see it’s affluent enough to have a casino. Isn’t that just north speak for bingo hall?” – Paul Batey.

„Am I the only person who laughed out loud on reading Frank Lampard’s comments that ‚there are two sides’ to Didier Drogba’s coin-throwing incident?” – Nigel Byrne.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com.

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